I have spoken about, at some length, the idiotic idea that sexual attraction to someone outside of the small and boring box of what is considered “beautiful” or “worthy of sexual attraction” should be automatically considered lesser. This was specifically put in the context of sex work and how clients or even sex workers themselves holding these views should re-examine why they do and get over whatever racism and bigotry compels them to do so.
There is a remarkable anger that emanates from men with confused boners when they find themselves undeniably attracted to a woman or female-presenting individual who are rarely positioned as being beautiful and sexually attractive on their own merits instead of being a mere exception to the rule of “ugly” that others who are similar are considered. At best, Men With Confused Boners (MWCB) hurl dull verbal darts at the object of their true and genuine affection in a sad attempt to reconcile their cognitive dissonance. At worst, MWCB’s turn to actual physical violence that all to often is used against our transwoman sisters. Instead of readjusting their worldview and understanding that maybe, JUST MAYBE, everything they were taught and thought was wrong, they act like petulant little brats and attacking the very women they should instead spend their energy adoring. They always make sure you know just how repulsive you REALLY are…I mean, in between them fapping to your glorious form.
Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, the “curvasexalicious” (as she describes herself) Ashley Graham was one of the cover models for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 2016. I’ve long been a fan of hers and have even referenced her a couple times on this very blog. Needless to say, I rushed out and purchased an issue with her on the cover. And so should you. I did the same when Tyra Banks became the first Black woman to have a solo cover in 1997 and a decade later 2007 when Beyonce had the cover, the 2nd Black woman to be featured on the cover. As we all know, and please don’t engage in intellectual dishonesty here, anything that falls outside of a white (or white enough), cissexual female, way too skinny context is “daring” in the fashion/modeling industry. I support even those baby steps whenever the “daring” is attempted by purchasing the item because if it sells, they’ll keep doing it. I eagerly look forward to the day a transwoman is on the cover and you’re damn right I’ll buy that issue too!
Naturally, some MWCB and an overinflated sense of his own importance (mutually inclusive, natch) had to sidle onto Ashley’s official Facebook fan page and criticize her body and how extremely unattractive he finds her and that his opinion is the same as every man’s opinion all over this diverse world of ours. Now, look….was that even necessary? From his prospective, OF COURSE IT WAS! She had to know that some random man she’ll never meet, care a single fuck about, or who has a single influence on her life or career whatsoever disapproves of her physical appearance! And in the fevered dreams of similar men, their targets will just go cry until they become “acceptable” by his standards or dramatically off herself due to the inability to ever meet his discerning, though ultimately useless, standards.
And the problem is far too many women do this. They have been so thoroughly programmed through any number of social/familial/economic/media avenues to actually believe that a man’s opinion (and especially a MWCB), no matter how familiar or unfamiliar he is, outweighs her own opinion of herself. And that this man’s opinion MUST be the foundation of her opinion about herself.
Men approach women because they want something from you. A reaction. Attention. Interaction. Sex. Romance. Conversation. Whatever. The point is they sought YOU out, not the other way around. Don’t let them assuage their insecurity about approaching you, especially if you fall outside of that “mainstream” box, at the expense of your own self-worth. They have an attraction for you as you are so they need to admit to it and act like fully realized, individual human beings or they need to keep it moving.
Their confused boners are their problem, not yours.